Back to Square One

This week has been a very trying week for me. We were supposed to close on our house yesterday - but of course that didn't happen. We should of expected it - but what happened this week we didn't expect. Monday, we got a call from our loan guy that the loan company that he was getting us approved with had backed out of the deal. Even though we've jumped through every hoop they've asked us to - they decide 4 days before closing that they can't give us the loan. ASSHOLES!! So, my loan guy says "Don't worry, we'll find another loan company". That should of been my first sign to worry. So, he submits us with some other companies. On Thursday, 1 day before the scheduled closing, I get a call from our realtor. She's a piece of work now, but that's a whole different story. She tells me that she's spoken to our loan guy - and that we're not getting the mobile anymore so she's giving up our land. WTF???? I call my loan guy back who basically tells us that he's probably not going to be able to get us a loan for the mobile, but is trying to get us a conventional loan for a "real" house. I guess that's not totally bad news - but Steve and I loved the house we were getting. It was a mobile - but it was gorgous and had everything in it just how we wanted: All the appliances, antique crown molding, marble and granite countertops, 4 huge bedrooms, and total sq footage of 2300. It was our dream "startup" home. We don't mind getting a "real" house - but I just don't think there is going to be any way that we're going to be able to find a house near as nice or size for the price we were going to pay. So, anyhow, we're supposed to find out about that on Monday.

Holiday weekend:

Today, we're all heading over to my moms. My brother from Kansas and my brother from Conway are coming in for July 4th festivities. Basically in our family that means swimming, eating, heavy drinking and fireworks - usually in that order. My skanky sister is supposed to go back to Conway with my brother on Sunday - we'll see.. LOL I'm excited about seeing my neice. My brother from Kansas has a little girl - Kirsten. She's my only niece. Being that I have kids - all my brothers and sisters have 2 neices and a nephew (except my brother who has a daughter, neice and nephew). This is my only neice. We don't get to see her much - I think I have a post from Christmas that talks a little more about her. She's adorable.

My studies:

I've enrolled in online pagan studies - and have been accepted. The classes don't start until August - but I'm really excited. There are so many aspects of the religion that appeal to me. The fact that you follow your own beliefs - you can either agree with some, all, different variations - is the most appealing. I hate people pushing their religion and beliefs on me. The best part about pagans are the fact that they are supportive of all beliefs - and don't try to push their beliefs off on anyone. I had a friend last night tell me the difference between a witch and a bitch, it goes something like: "One has power, the other just think she does"...I don't know if that's the exact thing he said - but it's pretty funny. So what happens when a bitch becomes a witch?? That's going to be interesting to find out. ;)

FIFA BABY!!!!! - Weekend update / Studies update

Wow, what a weekend it's been. Spent all day at my parents' house yesterday. Steve and my dad had to replace the liner in my parents pool. They were out in the heat all day long - it was around 90 degrees out there. I cooked on the grill for everyone last night. First time ever cooking on a grill - but everyone said I did a good job. We didn't get home until after 9 PM last night. Steve is sunburnt real bad - and the kids are heat exhausted.

This morning I got up and watched some World Cup. England was playing Equador. I'm English - so of course I had to watch my team play. England won!!! Lucky free kick from Beckham - but it won them the game so I'm happy. Now I'm going to spend the rest of the day doing laundry and lazing around the house. Steve is sleeping - and the kids are winey from their heat exhaustion.

Studies Update

I've been doing some studying this week. Had a really weird experience the other day. I was driving home from work - and I kept picturing a wreck. I was driving really careful - and there was a semi in front of me so I was keeping my eye on it. Half way home, I come around a corner and at the top of the hill there are cop cars everywhere. A wreck!! I had to sit in traffic for a while, an ambulance came flying by. When we finally got through it, I saw a car that had gone off of a ravene. It wasn't what I had "envisioned" but it was still weird that I had this feeling all the way to coming up to the wreck. I've also been having some weird dreams. One was me in a field of beautiful flowers dancing around - I slept really good that night. I've been doing a lot of thinking about what road I'm going to take with the studying. It seems of though my thoughts have lead me to a Celtic path - not really sure what or how indepth that path will be. I'm studying a lot about the Celtic pantheon. After I'm satisfied with my pantheon studies, I want to move more indepth. Been focused a lot on the Wheel of the Year. It's amazing how many pagan holidays are very similar in meaning and dates of Christian holidays. I'm still at the beginning of a very difficult labyrinth - but with my "guide" and the great resources I've come across I'm sure I'll get through it and find whatever it is that I'm searching for.

Busy Weekend

Had a pretty long weekend. We all decided to head to Fayetteville on Saturday. Steve and I wanted to get the kids some things to do during the week, now that they're not going to daycare anymore. We went to Sam's, Wal-Mart, Barnes and Noble and a bunch of other stores. We had dinner at Lyn's Garden - my fav. chinese restaurant - it was a good day.

Sunday, Steve and I took the kids to his parents so that they could go to church. We decided to head to Missouri to do some grocery shopping. It's a lot cheaper to shop up there. After that, we went to Goody's and got Steve a new outfit. We took the groceries home and then went back to meet his parents to get the kids. After we picked the kids up - we took the them to see Over the Hedge. It was a great movie.

Ok that all sounded like a grade school kid writing an essay about their weekend.. LOL

I've also decided to start a new research project. I'm currently studying paganism. It's something that has interested me for years. There are several factors of paganism that I feel spiritually connected with. One being that I'm English - and have a pretty stong Celtic ancestory. The other that it facinates me beyond just a subject to study. Who actually studies something for nothing? Not me. But something inside me wants to learn more about it. I've got a great resource (wink, wink Karen) that I plan on using to help me learn more. I plan on getting some books and doing a lot of indepth studying online. Will I develop the findings of my inner witch? Maybe. But I won't be satisfied until I've found out everything that I want to know. I started last night by doing some research on the Celtic pantheon - that was fun. Only barely touched the tip of what there is to learn about it. My studies continue...stay tuned. ;)

Gonna try the daily thing

I'm going to try and commit to updating this thing everyday - every couple of days at the most. It's kind of hard for me, cause I really don't think my life is that interesting.

Things are great at work. I'm starting some new exciting projects. My boss tells me she wants to start training me to move up in the dept. This really excites me, cause I would love to make it into management.

Today was the last day my kids get to go to daycare. I can't stand the daycare that they are in. The owner is a very religious, judgemental bitch. She hates the fact that Steve and I are living together - and she just drives me nuts. I've got into it so many times with her due to my personal life that I've just had enough of it. I put in the kids 2 weeks notice today - but we've decided that they're not going back. Instead we're going to take the kids out this weekend and find them some things to amuse themselves with while I'm at work and Steve tries to sleep. We're also going to take the kids to see Over the Hedge on Sunday. We've been promising them for the past couple of weeks - so we're definately doing it this weekend.

The pain has gone away from my ovaries - however Aunt Flo still hasn't come to visit. My doctor was hoping that she would - but nothing yet. I don't really want to get involved with the baby thing again... so moving right along....

Getting excited about July 4th - my brother is coming to visit from Kansas and bring my niece with him, so I'm happy about that.

Got to give a shout out HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Karen - have a drink for me ;)

Long time - playing catch up

Wow - it's been a long time since I've updated this thing. I really need to try and keep up with this thing. Not much has happened since the last time I posted - but here's the update.

We still don't have the house - but things are a lot closer. We found some land, finally, and the paperwork is being drawn up for us to sign. We were told that we should be in the house by the end of July - so everyone keep their fingers crossed. We found a little over a half acre out in the middle of nowhere, but it's closer to work than we live now so it's not too bad. I'm getting excited about moving - but as many things that have come up I've been trying not to hold my breath on our move in date.

I got a little bit of bad news this past week. Looks as though I've got some problems going on with my left ovary. It's swelled up. The doctor's not too worried about it just yet- but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it doesn't get any worse. This is all because of the horrible depo shot I was on up until the end of last year. My body is still getting rid of that crap - and I'm all messed up. Even though Steve doesn't want to have any more children it's painful to know that there's a possibility I might lose one of my ovaries and the chance of having another child is diminished. I would love to have another baby. I've found myself tearing up seeing babies on t.v. and when I'm out and about. The thought of being told that I'm not going to have any more children - either medically or by Steven breaks my heart. It's a little depressing being in this situation. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids very much - a boy and a girl makes everything perfect - but there's just something in the pit of my stomach that makes me want another baby more than anything. I can't complain really - Steven loves my children as his own and he's content with the two that we have. But I can't help but lay there at night wondering if that's ok with me. I mean - I know each partner should mutually agree on having another baby - but is it fair that he doesn't want one so that's it? Where's the mutally agreement there? What do I do in a situation like this? I've thought about it so much it's tearing me up inside. As horrible as it sounds - neither of my children were exactly planned. I love them with all my heart - and I know Steve does too. But I want more than anything to have a child with Steven. He's such a good father. Even my kids have been ragging on me about having another one - they've got names picked out and everything.. LOL Maybe I've had some influence on them - but at least I know that they're ok with it. It's just a very scary thought to be with someone for the rest of my life that has closed the door for me to have another child - I should have some say in this, and right now I feel like I don't have any. I have trouble sleeping over it - and it's making me a little depressed. Well, I think I've gone on enough about that.

Friday I got to do something fun. I got to hang out with one of the D.J.'s from the morning show Tim and Jeff in the Morning. I got to go into the studio and broadcast with Jeff. It was a blast. I had a ton of fun - and people told me I was good at it. Might be something I think about here and there in the future.

Ok - so there's the update. I'm going to try my best to keep this thing updated a little better - I promise.