Long time - playing catch up

Wow - it's been a long time since I've updated this thing. I really need to try and keep up with this thing. Not much has happened since the last time I posted - but here's the update.

We still don't have the house - but things are a lot closer. We found some land, finally, and the paperwork is being drawn up for us to sign. We were told that we should be in the house by the end of July - so everyone keep their fingers crossed. We found a little over a half acre out in the middle of nowhere, but it's closer to work than we live now so it's not too bad. I'm getting excited about moving - but as many things that have come up I've been trying not to hold my breath on our move in date.

I got a little bit of bad news this past week. Looks as though I've got some problems going on with my left ovary. It's swelled up. The doctor's not too worried about it just yet- but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it doesn't get any worse. This is all because of the horrible depo shot I was on up until the end of last year. My body is still getting rid of that crap - and I'm all messed up. Even though Steve doesn't want to have any more children it's painful to know that there's a possibility I might lose one of my ovaries and the chance of having another child is diminished. I would love to have another baby. I've found myself tearing up seeing babies on t.v. and when I'm out and about. The thought of being told that I'm not going to have any more children - either medically or by Steven breaks my heart. It's a little depressing being in this situation. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids very much - a boy and a girl makes everything perfect - but there's just something in the pit of my stomach that makes me want another baby more than anything. I can't complain really - Steven loves my children as his own and he's content with the two that we have. But I can't help but lay there at night wondering if that's ok with me. I mean - I know each partner should mutually agree on having another baby - but is it fair that he doesn't want one so that's it? Where's the mutally agreement there? What do I do in a situation like this? I've thought about it so much it's tearing me up inside. As horrible as it sounds - neither of my children were exactly planned. I love them with all my heart - and I know Steve does too. But I want more than anything to have a child with Steven. He's such a good father. Even my kids have been ragging on me about having another one - they've got names picked out and everything.. LOL Maybe I've had some influence on them - but at least I know that they're ok with it. It's just a very scary thought to be with someone for the rest of my life that has closed the door for me to have another child - I should have some say in this, and right now I feel like I don't have any. I have trouble sleeping over it - and it's making me a little depressed. Well, I think I've gone on enough about that.

Friday I got to do something fun. I got to hang out with one of the D.J.'s from the morning show Tim and Jeff in the Morning. I got to go into the studio and broadcast with Jeff. It was a blast. I had a ton of fun - and people told me I was good at it. Might be something I think about here and there in the future.

Ok - so there's the update. I'm going to try my best to keep this thing updated a little better - I promise.