Saturday, December 16, 2006

History of beloved "Christmas"

Ok, so we're down to just over a week from Christmas. I swear, this time of year, I'm like a kid myself. I get so excited about Christmas. I'm not a religious person, and I don't celebrate it for Jesus' birthday - I celebrate Christmas because it's FUN!!!

I've had some fun over the past couple of weeks over the big hub over department stores bringing back the phrase "merry Christmas". A couple of years ago, due to so many activist groups getting offended, it was no longer acceptable to wish consumers a "merry Christmas". Due to the fact that Hannukah and Kwanzaa were also celebrated around the same time - it was offensive to wish people a merry Christmas. So it was then adopted that "happy holidays" was the better and acceptable greeting. Well, then of course, all of the Christian organizations had a fit about it. Protests boycotting stores that use "happy holidays" instead of "merry Christmas" started. This year - major department stores, like Wal-Mart, Target and K-Mart, decided that due to all of the flack they were receiving by the Christian organizations they would bring back the phrase "merry Christmas". It once again shows that Christians believe that they are superior to all other religions and beliefs. Well, here's a little news flash for all of those organizations:

Christmas was a holiday brought on by the Roman Catholic church hundreds of years ago in a way to convert pagans to Christianty. On December 21st, a lot of Pagan groups celebrate the Winter Solstice - better known as Yule. Pagan groups would gather with family and friends to celebrate the return of the sun. The symbolism for Yule is the Goddess giving birth to the God, a reminder that with death comes rebirth. (Sound familiar..LOL). Pagan families would celebrate by decorating an Evergreen. An Evergreen symbolized that even with the harshest of conditions life continued. (hmmm - another symolarity?) Pagans also would burn a Yule log and light candles to honor the sun's return. This is just a very brief description of the Yule celebration - but just want to point out some facts. The Winter Solstice has been around since time itself - so very hard to be a speculated holiday. Let's take a moment to look at the birth of Jesus Christ shall we?

It states in the bible that Mary and Joseph had to travel to Bethlehem to be included in the census and for the taxes. History has shown that the census would fall around March or April. Also, many scholars of the bible have shown that it would be more accurate to say that with the description of the stars - the birth of Jesus Christ would of been around February or March. Hmmm - that's quite amazing don't you think?

Hundreds of years ago, it was decided by a Pope that Christ's Mass would be celebrated on December 25th so that Pagans could convert to Christianty, but keep some of their important holidays. AMAZING!!

So - for all of those Christian organizations that throw a fit about using the term "merry Christmas" might want to do their homework just a little bit. If anyone should be throwing a little hissy fit - shouldn't it be Pagans??

Ok - so I've made my point. I celebrate a combination of Yule and Christmas - I incorporate all of that material bullshit that has been adopted over the years. That's the best thing about my beliefs - I believe what I want. I recongnize the Winter Solstice on December 21st, but I love to get my kids all excited about the thought of Santa visiting and bringing lots of presents on Christmas eve. We eat, drink, and be merry for a few days - just the way I like it. So to everyone reading this - whether you celebrate Christmas, Yule, Kwanzaa or Hannukah - HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Sickness - Bitch Fest, BEWARE!!

Wow, where do I begin? I'm so pissed off right now, words are just jumbled in my brain. What is it with men and sickness?? When a woman gets sick - they don't give a shit. They expect life to go on as normal - but damn, if they get sick the whole world stops fucking revolving!!! Hmmm, can you guess what I'm mad about?

On Monday, at 1 AM, I woke up and puked my guts up. I had fixed chili the night before - and I just have to say OH MY GOD!!! After I got puking, it started coming out the other end. (I know, I know, too much information - but I have to give all the information to get my point across.) I was up about every 30 mins after that scared what end it was going to come out of. That morning, I called Steve to let him know that I was going to stay home from work because I was sick. He sounded fine - told me he would go to Wal-Mart and pick up anything I needed. He got home from work, he was FINE! (Have to point that out again.) He sat on the couch and told me that the heaters at his work weren't working, so he worked out in freezing temps the night before - so he was cold. Hey, that's understandable. So, he layed on the couch and went to sleep. He woke up around noon so that he could go check the mail. He ordered us Bluetooth Headsets for our phones - so he was hoping they came in. Ok - so we all get that he got up to go the mail box to see if WHAT HE WANTED was in there. When he came back he layed on the couch again. He said he was still cold, and maybe he was getting sick because he couldn't warm up. I was thinking "I stayed up all night puking my brains out - but hey if you're cold you MUST be sick" (please note the sacrasm) but I didn't say anything. So, I have to puke again - I go do that - and when I get out of the bathroom, he tells me that he doesn't think like he feels picking the kids up from school. I'm like WTF!!! He says he'll do it because I'm sick - he was just saying he didn't feel like it. Well, I decide to go back to sleep. I wake up a little later cause I heard him reach for something. It was his phone, and he was checking the time. It was 2:30. My kids get out of school at 3. I didn't think anything of it - and went back to sleep. I woke up a little bit after that - 2:50 to be exact - and he's sound asleep!! I try waking him up... NOTHING. Now, he's not usually a hard sleeper - so I'm pretty pissed off. I get up and start putting my shoes on. Conviniently, he wakes up just as I'm tying the last shoe and asks me what I'm doing. I told him I'm going to get the kids. He doesn't move - but says "you don't have to, I will" - still not moving under his den of blankets on the couch. I just get up, grab my coat, and storm out of the house. I go and get the kids and when I get home - HE'S SLEEPING!!! He stayed on the couch pretty much the rest of the night. I cleaned the kitchen (the dishes from the night before hadn't been done, and I couldn't handle the smell coming from the kitchen) I know after that I won't be able to eat chili for a long time, I cooked the kids dinner - he SLEPT! At 5:30 PM I went to bed - he followed shortly after. Being that it was only 6 PM and the kids were still up, I had to get up again to take care of the kids. What did he do? Go to bed!!! I was so pissed off - I'm still pissed off. He hasn't said a word to me since then. I get home from work last and to put icing on my cake - he had fixed CHILI dogs for dinner. I felt like puking the minute I walked in the house. I quietly made myself some toast - and spent the rest of the evening on the computer. I went to bed early - he didn't say a word. Oh, he did leave me a text message this morning - asking me not to forget to pay the insurance bill. How sweet of him (once again sacasm inserted). I really feel like he doesn't give a shit. I'm so mad right now - and he couldn't care less!

Ok - bitch fest over, for now.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Holidays R Here Again!!!

Two months since my last post. Seems as if that's the average.. LOL Things are crazy for me right now. I've got so much going on - my head is spinning. I finally received financial aid to attend school next semester. It seems as though I'm one step closer to getting my dream job of being a teacher. I start in January. I've enrolled in all my classes, the finanacial aid is complete - so it's just waiting for classes to start now. I'm still in the same job. I put on hold looking for a new one, as I'm trying to get something figured out with the director I work with. She's trying to see about getting me a job with her. That would be a lot easier with school coming up. It's very hard to find a new job when I'm going to be gone quite a bit for school. I'm the new Decatur Brownie girl scout leader. That's a lot of fun. Our troop is still very small - but Payton really enjoys it, so I'm going to stick with it.

This year was the first year EVER that I got to have Thanksgiving at my house. I stayed up all night the night before to cook a 20lb turkey. Then I spent all day in the kitchen cooking all the fixings. My parents and grandparents came over, along with my youngest brother and sister. It was a hell of a lot of work - but I had a blast. It was so nice to have all the family over to me. I've never had a house big enough to do it before - so it made having my own house that much more special. My grandpa is one of those men that's pretty hard to impress. He's got onto me my whole life about my weight, and finds little things to dig at me about. Whether it's getting pregnant and "ruining my life", smoking, eating to much - pretty much anything really. On Thanksgiving day he was a completely different man. He was very impressed with the house, and all the hard work I put into making the day perfect. He's nominated me for Thanksgiving again next year.. LOL I told him about going to school in January - and he thought it was great. Usually I hear a long lecture about how bad teacher's pay is blah, blah, blah - but when I made my point about it not being for money, he actually seemed to understand.

Now Christmas is coming. I'm sooo excited. I love Christmas!! Even though it won't be a terribly huge Christmas - it's still Christmas all the same. Got the tree up the day after Thanksgiving. It snowed here a couple of nights ago - and it's REALLY cold. I LOVE it. Sitting in front of the fireplace (yes, we have one.. a real one at that), with a cup of hot chocolate watching a Christmas movie is the best!! For the first time in my life - things are almost perfect. I say almost, because things are never really perfect. But we have money, health, and a beautiful house - what more can we ask for?

Friday, October 06, 2006

New Family Member

Wow - I can't believe it's been almost 2 months since my last entry. Lots of things going on in my life. The first, and most exciting is the long anticipated arrival of my new puppy. Her name is Asia Rayne. She is 8 weeks old tomorrow, and weighs 1lb 8ozs. Isn't she just adorable??? I got to bring her home last Friday. Having a new baby in the house has been rough, but very enjoyable. The only problems we've had is the potty training, but that comes with all new additions. :) She's already spoiled rotten.

Lots of things going on at work. My boss has been moved to a new department. She will be working from San Francisco starting the end of this year - so, unfortunately, that means I don't go with her. I've started keeping my eyes open for a new job, but I've kind of made a promise to stay with her until she moves. The new work that she's doing is exciting - and that's about all I can say about that. It will be hard leaving my department. I love working for my boss - she's so nice, and she's a great mentor. Then there's the other 2 members of my team - Joe and Alicia. Joe is new, so I'm not really that attached to him. Alicia on the other hand - that's a different story. From day one I've liked Alicia. I got to interview her when she was applying for her position - and I really pushed for my boss to hire her. She's such a wonderful person - I'm going to miss working with her very much. She can be trying at times -but can't all superiors?? LOL I'm trying to get into management. All three of the people I support think that I can do it - and that I'm ready. Everyone keep your fingers crossed!!

Things are great on the home front. We've been having a few problems with Brayden at school - but other than that, things couldn't be better. Well, that's it for now. :)

Friday, August 18, 2006

Finally all moved in!!!

So, we're finally settled into our new house. After a very long day of moving on Saturday - we finally piled everything into the living room. Steve and I then spent the next two days getting everything unpacked. Now, we're all done and enjoying all of our space. The house is so big compared to our last house. Our new house has 3 bedrooms - technically it has 4, but we're using one as an office - 2 baths, huge living room and kitchen, formal dining area, nestled in the middle of 5 wooded acres. It's beautiful out here.

Last night, we took the kids to open house at their new school. They got to meet their new teachers, and are very excited about starting school on Monday. I think Steve is equally excited - as he will now have the house all to himself again during the day.

Work is going good. I've started doing some project managment work for the People department, which is Wal-Mart's version of Human Resources. The People Manager I'm working with is really nice, and I think he's going to help me a lot in my development. My boss is on vacation this week, and she will be back in the office next week. She's been really supportive of me working with People to enhance my learning and experience.

Online studies are going great. I'm learning a lot - and there is a lot of work to do. It's very overwhelming at the amount of studying I'm doing, but I'm enjoying it very much. Being out here in the woods should help me with my concentration and ability to enhance my meditation skills. Right now, I'm learning a lot about Pagan Gods and Goddesses which is extremely interesting. I had no idea there were so many of them. History is a class that I'm also enjoying - some really interesting stuff is being covered.

Well, that's the update on me right now.. Till next time. :)

Saturday, August 12, 2006

I hate moving - but excited!!

Well, the time has finally come. We're moving today!! It felt like this day was never going to come, but it did. Steve is busy moving his parents into their new house. I finished up the packing here and am now waiting on him to come and pick me up to go and help them. I hate packing and moving with a passion - but I'm excited about it. It will soon all be over and I can enjoy unpacking in our new house. The kids are so excited. They get their own bedrooms, and their rooms are HUGE!!! They have 5 acres of back yard to keep them amused, so I think it's going to be so good for them. We've been having some problems with Brayden lately. He's been lying a lot about stupid stuff. I just really hope lying isn't a hereditary trait - cause if it is... we're screwed!! LOL His sperm donor is a pathological lier. He lies about stupid stuff too - either to make himself look good, or everyone else look bad. Sometimes, his lies are so stupid and out there it's very amusing. His stupid ass gives me a good laugh at how pathetic he is sometimes. Anyways, getting back on to subject.... Steve has been so great. He's really excited for the kids too - and I think he's also excited for himself. We're going to finally have a home together and we can be one big happy family. As soon as the move is all over we're going to get back to planning our wedding. I'd really like to be married before the end of the year, and Steve feels the same way. I love him so much. :)

Started my online classes last week. Already done with 2 assignments, and got top grades on both.. so I'm really excited about that. Going to be offline for a couple of days until our DSL gets hooked up at the house - so there's the update so far. Talk to you all soon. :)

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Finally a break!!!!

Last night Steve and I finally got a break - thanks to Steve's parents. Steve's dad called him before I got home from work. He told Steve that he had something he wanted to talk to us about. When I got home from work we went over there.

What came after we got there put me in utter shock. Steve's parents asked us if we'd like to take over there house!!! They want to move into town, and would like for us to move into their house and take over the payments. When I asked how much the payments were, he told me $460!!!! I could of shit my pants!!! The house is 3 bedroom/2 bath. 1800 sq ft. It sits on 5 acres. Can you believe this??? I'm so happy I'm floating on cloud 9. This means that we'll finally have a house, the kids will have their own rooms, and we can FINALLY get married!!!!
The Goddesses/Gods are shining down on us - for once.

Speaking of which, my studies continue. I'm scheduled to start my pagan classes on Aug. 7th. Hopefully there won't be too much interruption with us moving and all - cause I really want to take these classes. I've been doing a lot of my own studying, but it will be nice to interract with other pagans in a virtual classroom and learning some in-depth stuff. I can't wait!!!

Ok - too many exclamation points for one day. ;)

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Kid Free Weekend!!!

This week has been a very quiet week. On July 4th, I took my kids to my mom to spend the rest of the week with her. We took the kids out of daycare a couple of weeks ago, and so Steve has been keeping them home with him during the day. He works nights, and so it's quite hard on him to take care of the kids and sleep during the day while I am at work. My mom decided she would take the kids for the rest of the week so that Steve could have some peace and quiet and get caught up on some sleep.

Wednesday and Thursday were normal days. Came home from work, had dinner, went to bed. When Friday came, I didn't want to just stay home. I figured if mom had the kids - we might as well do something so it was worth her having them. We decided to head to Fayetteville after I got off of work. We had to get a rat for Baldasarre and did some driving around. About 7 PM, I spoke to a friend of mine, Leah, about going over to her house and having some drinks. Steve and I hit the liquor store before heading back home. We went out to Leah's house for a drink. We hung out there until 1 AM or so. We reminised on "old times" like we always do when we've had a few drinks. Steve stayed pretty quiet. Leah is my ex's sister - so I'm sure it was a little weird for him hearing about our stories. When I've been drinking, I don't comprehend what I'm talking about and how it might affect the people that are around. Steve didn't seem to mind so much, but he sure couldn't get in on the conversation cause he had no idea what we were talking about.

Yesterday, I got up around 10 AM. That's a rare luxury. Ususally when the kids are home, I'm up by 8 AM. I cooked us both some breakfast and had a great idea about what we could do. Being that the weather was so nice, I asked Steve if he wanted to go fishing. I haven't been in years, and I know that Steve really enjoys it. We headed to Wal-Mart to get our licenses and pick up a few things that we needed. We then headed out to Beaver Lake. It was so beautiful out. It was hot, but not too hot. I caught a bass!!! First bass I've ever caught in my life. After spending a couple of hours there, we decided to head to another part of the lake that Steve liked. We got there a little after 6 PM. It was nice and shaded, and very quiet. Didn't catch anything there - but it was a lot of fun. We're going to start doing that on a regular basis. Hopefully, next weekend, we're going to take the kids. I think they would love it, especially Brayden. Don't think that Payton will be too into it; she's a little girly-girly for messing with worms and fish but it'll get her out for a while.

The kids come home today. I have to admit, as nice as it's been to have some "alone" time with Steve, I've missed them. Steve's going to make pizza for dinner. My dad's excited about that. He loves pizza, and I really think he's going to like Steve's homemade pizza. Well, I need to go and get my laundry put up and clean things up around here. 'Till next time.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Back to Square One

This week has been a very trying week for me. We were supposed to close on our house yesterday - but of course that didn't happen. We should of expected it - but what happened this week we didn't expect. Monday, we got a call from our loan guy that the loan company that he was getting us approved with had backed out of the deal. Even though we've jumped through every hoop they've asked us to - they decide 4 days before closing that they can't give us the loan. ASSHOLES!! So, my loan guy says "Don't worry, we'll find another loan company". That should of been my first sign to worry. So, he submits us with some other companies. On Thursday, 1 day before the scheduled closing, I get a call from our realtor. She's a piece of work now, but that's a whole different story. She tells me that she's spoken to our loan guy - and that we're not getting the mobile anymore so she's giving up our land. WTF???? I call my loan guy back who basically tells us that he's probably not going to be able to get us a loan for the mobile, but is trying to get us a conventional loan for a "real" house. I guess that's not totally bad news - but Steve and I loved the house we were getting. It was a mobile - but it was gorgous and had everything in it just how we wanted: All the appliances, antique crown molding, marble and granite countertops, 4 huge bedrooms, and total sq footage of 2300. It was our dream "startup" home. We don't mind getting a "real" house - but I just don't think there is going to be any way that we're going to be able to find a house near as nice or size for the price we were going to pay. So, anyhow, we're supposed to find out about that on Monday.

Holiday weekend:

Today, we're all heading over to my moms. My brother from Kansas and my brother from Conway are coming in for July 4th festivities. Basically in our family that means swimming, eating, heavy drinking and fireworks - usually in that order. My skanky sister is supposed to go back to Conway with my brother on Sunday - we'll see.. LOL I'm excited about seeing my neice. My brother from Kansas has a little girl - Kirsten. She's my only niece. Being that I have kids - all my brothers and sisters have 2 neices and a nephew (except my brother who has a daughter, neice and nephew). This is my only neice. We don't get to see her much - I think I have a post from Christmas that talks a little more about her. She's adorable.

My studies:

I've enrolled in online pagan studies - and have been accepted. The classes don't start until August - but I'm really excited. There are so many aspects of the religion that appeal to me. The fact that you follow your own beliefs - you can either agree with some, all, different variations - is the most appealing. I hate people pushing their religion and beliefs on me. The best part about pagans are the fact that they are supportive of all beliefs - and don't try to push their beliefs off on anyone. I had a friend last night tell me the difference between a witch and a bitch, it goes something like: "One has power, the other just think she does"...I don't know if that's the exact thing he said - but it's pretty funny. So what happens when a bitch becomes a witch?? That's going to be interesting to find out. ;)

Sunday, June 25, 2006

FIFA BABY!!!!! - Weekend update / Studies update

Wow, what a weekend it's been. Spent all day at my parents' house yesterday. Steve and my dad had to replace the liner in my parents pool. They were out in the heat all day long - it was around 90 degrees out there. I cooked on the grill for everyone last night. First time ever cooking on a grill - but everyone said I did a good job. We didn't get home until after 9 PM last night. Steve is sunburnt real bad - and the kids are heat exhausted.

This morning I got up and watched some World Cup. England was playing Equador. I'm English - so of course I had to watch my team play. England won!!! Lucky free kick from Beckham - but it won them the game so I'm happy. Now I'm going to spend the rest of the day doing laundry and lazing around the house. Steve is sleeping - and the kids are winey from their heat exhaustion.

Studies Update

I've been doing some studying this week. Had a really weird experience the other day. I was driving home from work - and I kept picturing a wreck. I was driving really careful - and there was a semi in front of me so I was keeping my eye on it. Half way home, I come around a corner and at the top of the hill there are cop cars everywhere. A wreck!! I had to sit in traffic for a while, an ambulance came flying by. When we finally got through it, I saw a car that had gone off of a ravene. It wasn't what I had "envisioned" but it was still weird that I had this feeling all the way to coming up to the wreck. I've also been having some weird dreams. One was me in a field of beautiful flowers dancing around - I slept really good that night. I've been doing a lot of thinking about what road I'm going to take with the studying. It seems of though my thoughts have lead me to a Celtic path - not really sure what or how indepth that path will be. I'm studying a lot about the Celtic pantheon. After I'm satisfied with my pantheon studies, I want to move more indepth. Been focused a lot on the Wheel of the Year. It's amazing how many pagan holidays are very similar in meaning and dates of Christian holidays. I'm still at the beginning of a very difficult labyrinth - but with my "guide" and the great resources I've come across I'm sure I'll get through it and find whatever it is that I'm searching for.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Busy Weekend

Had a pretty long weekend. We all decided to head to Fayetteville on Saturday. Steve and I wanted to get the kids some things to do during the week, now that they're not going to daycare anymore. We went to Sam's, Wal-Mart, Barnes and Noble and a bunch of other stores. We had dinner at Lyn's Garden - my fav. chinese restaurant - it was a good day.

Sunday, Steve and I took the kids to his parents so that they could go to church. We decided to head to Missouri to do some grocery shopping. It's a lot cheaper to shop up there. After that, we went to Goody's and got Steve a new outfit. We took the groceries home and then went back to meet his parents to get the kids. After we picked the kids up - we took the them to see Over the Hedge. It was a great movie.

Ok that all sounded like a grade school kid writing an essay about their weekend.. LOL

I've also decided to start a new research project. I'm currently studying paganism. It's something that has interested me for years. There are several factors of paganism that I feel spiritually connected with. One being that I'm English - and have a pretty stong Celtic ancestory. The other that it facinates me beyond just a subject to study. Who actually studies something for nothing? Not me. But something inside me wants to learn more about it. I've got a great resource (wink, wink Karen) that I plan on using to help me learn more. I plan on getting some books and doing a lot of indepth studying online. Will I develop the findings of my inner witch? Maybe. But I won't be satisfied until I've found out everything that I want to know. I started last night by doing some research on the Celtic pantheon - that was fun. Only barely touched the tip of what there is to learn about it. My studies continue...stay tuned. ;)

Friday, June 16, 2006

Gonna try the daily thing

I'm going to try and commit to updating this thing everyday - every couple of days at the most. It's kind of hard for me, cause I really don't think my life is that interesting.

Things are great at work. I'm starting some new exciting projects. My boss tells me she wants to start training me to move up in the dept. This really excites me, cause I would love to make it into management.

Today was the last day my kids get to go to daycare. I can't stand the daycare that they are in. The owner is a very religious, judgemental bitch. She hates the fact that Steve and I are living together - and she just drives me nuts. I've got into it so many times with her due to my personal life that I've just had enough of it. I put in the kids 2 weeks notice today - but we've decided that they're not going back. Instead we're going to take the kids out this weekend and find them some things to amuse themselves with while I'm at work and Steve tries to sleep. We're also going to take the kids to see Over the Hedge on Sunday. We've been promising them for the past couple of weeks - so we're definately doing it this weekend.

The pain has gone away from my ovaries - however Aunt Flo still hasn't come to visit. My doctor was hoping that she would - but nothing yet. I don't really want to get involved with the baby thing again... so moving right along....

Getting excited about July 4th - my brother is coming to visit from Kansas and bring my niece with him, so I'm happy about that.

Got to give a shout out HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Karen - have a drink for me ;)

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Long time - playing catch up

Wow - it's been a long time since I've updated this thing. I really need to try and keep up with this thing. Not much has happened since the last time I posted - but here's the update.

We still don't have the house - but things are a lot closer. We found some land, finally, and the paperwork is being drawn up for us to sign. We were told that we should be in the house by the end of July - so everyone keep their fingers crossed. We found a little over a half acre out in the middle of nowhere, but it's closer to work than we live now so it's not too bad. I'm getting excited about moving - but as many things that have come up I've been trying not to hold my breath on our move in date.

I got a little bit of bad news this past week. Looks as though I've got some problems going on with my left ovary. It's swelled up. The doctor's not too worried about it just yet- but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it doesn't get any worse. This is all because of the horrible depo shot I was on up until the end of last year. My body is still getting rid of that crap - and I'm all messed up. Even though Steve doesn't want to have any more children it's painful to know that there's a possibility I might lose one of my ovaries and the chance of having another child is diminished. I would love to have another baby. I've found myself tearing up seeing babies on t.v. and when I'm out and about. The thought of being told that I'm not going to have any more children - either medically or by Steven breaks my heart. It's a little depressing being in this situation. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids very much - a boy and a girl makes everything perfect - but there's just something in the pit of my stomach that makes me want another baby more than anything. I can't complain really - Steven loves my children as his own and he's content with the two that we have. But I can't help but lay there at night wondering if that's ok with me. I mean - I know each partner should mutually agree on having another baby - but is it fair that he doesn't want one so that's it? Where's the mutally agreement there? What do I do in a situation like this? I've thought about it so much it's tearing me up inside. As horrible as it sounds - neither of my children were exactly planned. I love them with all my heart - and I know Steve does too. But I want more than anything to have a child with Steven. He's such a good father. Even my kids have been ragging on me about having another one - they've got names picked out and everything.. LOL Maybe I've had some influence on them - but at least I know that they're ok with it. It's just a very scary thought to be with someone for the rest of my life that has closed the door for me to have another child - I should have some say in this, and right now I feel like I don't have any. I have trouble sleeping over it - and it's making me a little depressed. Well, I think I've gone on enough about that.

Friday I got to do something fun. I got to hang out with one of the D.J.'s from the morning show Tim and Jeff in the Morning. I got to go into the studio and broadcast with Jeff. It was a blast. I had a ton of fun - and people told me I was good at it. Might be something I think about here and there in the future.

Ok - so there's the update. I'm going to try my best to keep this thing updated a little better - I promise.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Good news, Good news, bad news

I just don't understand when everything in my life is going great - something bad has to happen to screw it all up.

Last weekend, I received some great news in the mail. I received my court papers for the order of child support against Brayden's father. I couldn't believe my eyes. It's only taken 3 years, but I finally have an order. I don't really expect to get a penny of that money, but that wasn't the best part of the order. Being that my ex had failed to comply with the courts, I have been awarded full custody of Brayden and can now patition to have his rights taken away. I couldn't really care less about the money. I've supported Brayden by myself since he was born, don't need the money now. The most important part was to have him all to myself. Now, when Steven and I get married, we can have both of the kids' names changed to Steve's last name.

I also went to NWACC this week to enroll in some classes. I want to get my BSE. For those that don't know what that is - my Bachelors of Science in Education. I've always had a passion to teach - plus teachers hours are a big part of why I want to be a teacher. I can't think of a better career that will allow me so much time with my family. I love my job now, but I want to have the option to do something else someday. The only step I have to climb to get my financial aid is to receive my passport, which I've applied for.

We finally also got Steve's final credit report back. We haven't heard anything from the credit company we're working with yet, but I'm really hoping it won't be too much longer.

So, things are going great.. and then BLAM.. something has to go wrong. Wednesday morning, I was driving to work when my car died. No warning, it just died. Steve came and picked me up and we made arrangements with a shop for them to tow it and take a look at it. The next day, we found out that the timing belt in my car had gone out. Due to the damage that the timing belt can do to the pistons and tubing it was going to cost about $2000 to fix. There was no way in hell that we were going to be able to afford that. I called the dealer I bought my car from to see if there was anything they could do to help. My only options was to have them fix it and add it to my note - resulting in higher monthly payments. Or I could let them take it as a trade and get a new car. The latter option was our best bet. I picked out a 2001 Ford Taurus. It's a really nice car and the payments and insurance are cheaper on this car. The problem was draining my savings for the down payment, and having to come up with $400 in sales tax in 30 days. It sucks!!! I had been saving up to buy a silky terrier (in the pictures), and now because of this I won't be able to get her. It breaks my heart, as I had my heart set on getting her. Every time I plan on getting or doing something, my life gets all fucked up and prevents me from being able to do it. With my luck, I won't be able to get my passport and something will fuck up with the house. That's my life, always has been. Will I ever get a break?

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Hooters and Razorbacks

Well, it's Feb. 18th and there's about 4 inchs of snow on the ground. It's been a great day lazing around the house. I'll get to that in a sec.

Last night was one of the best nights out I've had in a very long time. Steve, the kids and I took my dad to Hooters for his birthday. My mom and lil brother and sister also came along. My dad has never been to Hooters before, due to my mom not finding the place somewhere she would ever want to eat. Last night, I proved her wrong. When we got there, we were seated next to 4 or the Arkansas Razorbacks. It was AWESOME. Brayden is a Razorback fan and so he thought it was very cool to see them. We ordered our food and had a great waitress. My dad was so funny. Because of how my mom is with Hooters, everytime that the waitress came over to refill their coffee my dad would look away. It was hilarious. It was like he didn't want to be caught by my mom for checking her out. My mom thought it was quite humorous also. Our food came, and everyone really enjoyed it. My mom said that it was the best philly cheese steak sandwich that she had ever had.

The highlight of the evening was after we got through eating. Brayden finally got the courage up to talk to the Razorbacks sitting at the table right next to us. A couple more had come in since we had got there. Brayden spoke with the players, shook their hands, and just had a blast. Payton also got in on some of the action talking to a couple of them. The players that we met were # 41 De'Andre Bryant, #95 Fred Bledsoe, #91 Anthony Brown, #62 Michael Aguirre, and #58 Joey Crossland. There were a couple more, but I don't remember their names. They were so good to the kids - and just made their night a very memorable one.

After we left, it started ice raining. We ran to Wal-Mart to pick up some essentials, as we knew that snow was heading our way. Once we got home, my mom called and admitted that she was wrong about Hooters and that her and my dad really enjoyed themselves. She even referred to where she would rather sit the NEXT time that we went.

This morning when I woke up - I saw the snow outside and decided it was a great day for a lazy "home" day. The kids and I played on the computer. I made waffles for breakfast. Sat and did some drawing with Payton after, then made lunch, took a nap with Brayden, chatted on the net while Steve was making dinner, and just got done watching a movie. It's been a good day. This morning I got online and looked up the Razorbacks that we met to show the kids. They thought that it was neat seeing their pictures on the internet. Being that the snow isn't going anywhere, I plan on doing the same thing tomorrow. Except, I've got to through laundry on the list to do tomorrow.

Till next time. :)

Friday, February 10, 2006

Birthday time

Wow, I can't believe we're already in the middle of February. Seems like only a couple of days ago it was Christmas. Well, another birtday has been and gone. I am now 24 years old and feeling every minute of it.

The past week has been a drag. Steve and I have both been very sick with the flu. I've taken the past couple of days to recoup and I've definately needed it. We're both starting to feel a little better, just weak and tired. Seems like it's that time of year for all the sickness going around. Seems like everyone at work has had it or has it now.

Steve and I have finally started the process for our new house.. YEA!!!! We went down to the office a couple of weeks ago to fill out the paperwork. We're now just waiting for their credit consulting company to do some magic with Steve's credit to get us approved. The guy that is working with us said that it shouldn't take more than a month or so which is very exciting. It would be great to be moving into our house in a couple of months. I'm so ready to get out of this tiny apartment. We've definately out grown it - and it's definately time the kids had a room of their own.

The kids are doing good. Brayden has been extra good at school the past week. He has earned all of his "reward sticks" every day - which is a first for him. He's soaking up the attention that Steve and I are giving him for being so good, so maybe he'll keep it up. Well, not much more to report right now. We're taking my dad to Hooters next weekend for his birthday - maybe I'll post after that.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Maybe this is my year!!

Well, it's 2006. Usually, the New Year doesn't mean much to me - it's just another year. I'm hoping that this year is different. I have so many plans for this year. I'm hoping to get married ;) and we're hoping to start looking into buying a house in a few weeks. I just hope things all go according to plan.

Well, guess I should update on the holidays and stuff. Christmas was GREAT!!! We had a blast. Even Steve seemed to have a good time. The kids had a great time and got a bunch of neat stuff. The time at my parents was fun. We played darts and got drunk, and I got to see my brothers that I haven't seen in a while. It was a lot of fun. New Year's was just as fun. My brothers weren't there - but we still had a lot of fun getting drunk. :)

The job is going really well. I have been given some important projects to take care of which is keeping me very busy. But that's just how I like it. My boss is awesome - we get along great.

Had a surprise visitor last night. My ex's mom stopped by. Haven't seen her since April. She wanted to see the kids. We visited for a while, and it was kind of nice seeing her again. She stopped by tonight with my neice and we had along talk. She told me how shitty my ex was doing (no big surprise). She brought the kids some presents over. I could tell that she'd really missed seeing them. She's going to start coming over more often to see them. I'm totally fine with this - she seems to be totally fine with the kids calling Steve "dad" and she seems to be doing her best to not bring up my ex to them or confuse them in anyway. I'm going to see how things go with the spending time with his family again. It might be nice for the kids to spend some time with them. They seem to be totally sure of who they want to be their dad so I don't have a problem with it right now.