Thursday, August 11, 2005

Life's a Bitch... and SO AM I


The title pretty much says it all for today. I'm not going to go into my drawn out past.. but to make a very long story short....

I was in the relationship from hell 4 years ago. A child was a product of this relationship. I love my son very much, but wouldn't really care if the ground that my ex walked on swallowed him whole. For most of my son's life I had never stopped my ex from seeing him. He chose not to... either by having his sorry ass thrown in jail, living 300 miles away, or just out doing it when it was convinient for him. Time after time I had to watch my son suffer as the asshole came in and out of his life. Finally, after a huge fight.. and him having me thrown in jail (long story, don't want to go into), I decided enough was enough. I wasn't going to put my son through all the heart ache anymore. I found out a couple of months ago that my ex had enlisted into the national guard (biggest joke I'd ever heard in my life). He was going to Iraq!!!! He wanted to say his final goodbyes to his son before he left. I said no. Three months later, his sorry ass is still here.. and he's getting married on Saturday (which my son was not invited to), and leaving for Iraq next week. Not once has he tried to have anything to do with him, and now all of a sudden I'm getting the guilt trip from hell from his family because I won't let him see my son. Am I wrong??? Maybe. But I've spoke to my son about the situation.. and granted he is still very young, I respect his decision that he doesn't want to see his father. There is a new man in his life now. A man that's there for him, every day when he gets home from school... on weekends.. and everything in between. My kids finally have some stability in their life, and I'm not going to fuck it all up because of a guilt trip. The asshole has had control over my life way too long... it's over.. not happening anymore!!!! I've moved on... I made a promise to my children (I have a daughter also that isn't biogically his) that I would find them someone so much better to be in their lives. They both believe that I have fulfilled this promise.. and that's all that matters to me.

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